Everytime i typed an entry, the husband always caught me and ask how come he never get to read them. Oh wells.

Anyways, this entry. This is for you. Yes you Muhammad Ali. I always get attached and emotional when i think about our labour and delivery experience.

Throughout the pregnancy, you’ve held my hand so tight, you were always careful with your assuarance. You knew how scared, anxious and nervous i was for the labour. Yet you stood positive and excited, you pushed me not to underestimate myself.

After every appointment, every scan and every monitoring, you’re always making sure that my thoughts are focused and that i am not worrying myself excessively.

When i got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes,you were hard on me. On my diet and it progressed to be our diet. You eat what i had to eat. You made it like our health goals. You’re always saying No to my cravings because of it. As much as i hate you for it, I’m thankful.

As the day got nearer, you were saying No to so much things. You stay firm that i had to bed rest till the day I’ll get induced. The nearer the date was, the more nervous I’ve become and the more excited you were. Yes, thats how opposites we are! I cried, cried the most that week! Been praying to God so hard over the months, to bless us with a healthy baby and make my delivery easy, safe and painless. I knew painless was hard but everyday I prayed for it over and over again.

When the day finally came, we slept in to get as much rest before the sleepless night seeps in. Ate Nasi Lemak. Got home did last minute preparations and off we go. We might meet our baby that night or even the next day! You were feeling excited but finally blurted out that you’re nervous but not near as nervous as i was definitely.

As we parked the car in the Hospital compound , the last thing we said was “let’s do this!” Got to the Birthing Suite and was relieved Sophie (Our Gynae) was there. She prepped me and got down to inserting the Gel to help me dilate enough to burst my waterbag in the morning and start with the contractions and on the way for a natural delivery. This is a picture perfect summary but it doesnt work all the time.

So after the gel was inserted, it takes about 2 hours and the cramps kick in. It was on and on for the whole night. We didnt catch a wink! They gave me sleeping pills and panadeine to overcome the pain and catch some sleep. But failed.

So 7am came around. The time i was looking forward the most! Sophie checked my dilation, and after all those painful hours, i was only 1-2cm dilated! But she managed to break my waterbag and put me on the Oxytocin drip to encourage stronger contractions so i’ll get more dilation and will be able to deliver sooner. The Anaethesist, Dr. Mezzatesta came and got the epidural going! I must say he was very professional, positive and calm. He made me so at peace, putting my worries at bay and very efficient! In 5 mins everything was over, Oxytocin was in, Epidural was in and Catherer is in. Now is just a waiting game.

Sophie came around at 3ish and checked. Was thrilled that i am 6cm dilated! She was positive and encouraging. She foresee that by 7pm ill be dilated enough for delivery and by 9pm, our lil Prince will be in my Arms. But all we can do is plan and pursue. At the end of the day, God has better plans for us. At 5:30pm, Elva (OMG the best midwife ever!) came and check on me and realised that i am not dilating any further and there was blood in my urine. Something was wrong.

Next thing we knew, Sophie came in and checked. She had to deliver the news that i dread. Something is obstructing the labour and we had to do an emergency c section. My heart literally dropped. I stared at you with the heaviest heart. Sophie had to get a team ready for the operation and with all the Operation theatres booked out, we had to wait for awhile. Half an hour later, Dr. Mezzatesta arrived to prep me for the Operation.

I was scared shitless i was not going to lie. I panicked, stressed and was nervous. I knew you do what you had to do. You remain calm and keep feeding me positive energy. As they wheeled me in to the Theatre, it was the scariest moment in my life. Dr Mezzatesta kept me calm, i think every possible nerves were written all over my face. He was there just an arms length away from me the whole time to make sure i am ok. Everyone kept telling me how everything is going to be okay.

As i lay on that cold table, i broke out to strong cold shivers and nausea. You kept telling me it will be ok and it was going to be over soon and we can finally see our baby. I kept wanting to puke! And i requested not to see anything as they pull and thug and finally people told you to stand and have your phone ready as the baby arrives. Everything happen so quick!  We found out then that Ayden’s head was too big to fit into my pelvis, hence, the obstructed labour.

They wanted to pull down the drape to let me see the action, but i didnt want to. I was still shivering cold and puking and i didnt want to see our lil prince in that state. I cried when you brought him over to see me. You must be overwhelmed, i can see it in your beamig eyes. But i still couldnt bring myself to hold him due to my shivers and nausea! I kept asking the people around me how long more for the stitching to be complete. I was getting very sick. Very cold.

Finally at the recovery room, you managed to let me hold the baby. It was beautiful. I managed to whisper “Assalammualaikum” in his ears before you had to bring him to the special nursery to get his sugar levels checked. And when you return, i was just overjoyed. I thank God profusely for protecting me, for guiding me through this experience and for blessing me with a lil family i could call my own. Now as i slowly recover and ease into my new role as a Mother. InsyaAllah it will all be smooth sailing.

As we put an end to this chapter, InsyaAllah we will reopen this chapter in the future.

Muhammad Ali, i just want to thank you for being there with me every step of the way, for staying by my side at my most vulnerable time, for dressing me when i wasnt able to, for helping me through my recovery without any complains,for waking up at every night feeds when i told you not to, for being the best dad to Ayden! I pray to God everyday to protect you from harm, to give you the best he could offer in this life and hereafter and bless you with everlasting happiness! I think the words, I love you Muhammad Ali is an understatement. Cause its so much more than that.

PS: The staff at Mitcham Private, Dr Sophie Leong, Dr Joseph Mezzatesta and Dr Shane O’Dea has been super amazing! Making this journey a beautiful and memorable one! Definitely won’t hesitate to go back to them in the future!

Missing our suite already and the midwives who looked after us 24/7 for the past week! ☺️