Ramadan, Eid and Milestones

5 months has passed. I try not to be paranoid or overstressed about Ayden’s developments, although, during our 4th month visit to the Maternal Health Nurse she did asked if he has rolled over. Which we shake our heads carefully. Then, exactly on his 5th month, 11th July, he rolled over from back to front and front to back, again and again! We were ecstatic! Ayden has always been surprising us of what he is capable of. One minute we are worried of his milestones, next minute he aced it! Oh don’t grow too fast my dear boy!

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And on the same day I embark on a difficult journey of returning to work. Full time period. It was hard and now coming on to my second week, I am gradually getting used to the routine. But I must admit I miss Ayden so much sometimes, I sprint the last 100 metres home just to see him. I am thankful and blessed I have my in laws to look after Ayden and send me photos every now and then to cure my missing-Ayden-syndrome.

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During the last visit to the MHN, she referred us to the Chiropractor as Ayden has a slight flat head. We are still thinking whether we should as it is not a major concern and is only a slight flat head. Chiropractors are not cheap at all each session is about $160! Maybe we will take him for one session just to see how bad the condition of his flat head. Gosh! We’ll see…

 Winter has been depressing! Extra cold, Extra emotional! Mum just had a few surgeries to her eyes due to her deteriorating Glaucoma and I really wish that I could be there for with her instead. To help around the house and such. Times like these really pulled my heart strings knowing my parents are really getting oldL. Raya is quite not as cheerful this year but we do what we can for Ayden. InsyaAllah we are able to spend Raya in Singapore next year.

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We did had a few guests over during Ramadhan which was fun. We went sight seeing to several attractions and there were some that we’ve never been before. We even took a road trip to the snow ( yes with a 4 month old!) That was a bit of a distraction and a good road trip before I end my maternity leave ! Ramadan during winter is shorter too. 🙊 Sweet!

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Because of the cold weather, everyone in the house was sick one after another and that includes Ayden too! We even bought a humidifier for our room to help and it did surprisingly! It helps all three of us to sleep so much better! We even had to smother (haha this is just an expression!)  Vicks on his two tiny feets, chest and back! Oh my I never thought I would use the Nasal Aspirator on Ayden, but I couldn’t stand his block nose and surprisingly how good he feels after when he can breathe properly! Alhamdulillah he is so much better now!

I am trying to get the husband to wake up early on the weekends! So we can go out and spend some quality time! Being away at work sucks big time and trying to make up lost time is my excuse.

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Oh boy #woesofaworkingmother they say!

Labour, Birth and the closing of another Chapter (for now!)

Everytime i typed an entry, the husband always caught me and ask how come he never get to read them. Oh wells.

Anyways, this entry. This is for you. Yes you Muhammad Ali. I always get attached and emotional when i think about our labour and delivery experience.

Throughout the pregnancy, you’ve held my hand so tight, you were always careful with your assuarance. You knew how scared, anxious and nervous i was for the labour. Yet you stood positive and excited, you pushed me not to underestimate myself.

After every appointment, every scan and every monitoring, you’re always making sure that my thoughts are focused and that i am not worrying myself excessively.

When i got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes,you were hard on me. On my diet and it progressed to be our diet. You eat what i had to eat. You made it like our health goals. You’re always saying No to my cravings because of it. As much as i hate you for it, I’m thankful.

As the day got nearer, you were saying No to so much things. You stay firm that i had to bed rest till the day I’ll get induced. The nearer the date was, the more nervous I’ve become and the more excited you were. Yes, thats how opposites we are! I cried, cried the most that week! Been praying to God so hard over the months, to bless us with a healthy baby and make my delivery easy, safe and painless. I knew painless was hard but everyday I prayed for it over and over again.

When the day finally came, we slept in to get as much rest before the sleepless night seeps in. Ate Nasi Lemak. Got home did last minute preparations and off we go. We might meet our baby that night or even the next day! You were feeling excited but finally blurted out that you’re nervous but not near as nervous as i was definitely.

As we parked the car in the Hospital compound , the last thing we said was “let’s do this!” Got to the Birthing Suite and was relieved Sophie (Our Gynae) was there. She prepped me and got down to inserting the Gel to help me dilate enough to burst my waterbag in the morning and start with the contractions and on the way for a natural delivery. This is a picture perfect summary but it doesnt work all the time.

So after the gel was inserted, it takes about 2 hours and the cramps kick in. It was on and on for the whole night. We didnt catch a wink! They gave me sleeping pills and panadeine to overcome the pain and catch some sleep. But failed.

So 7am came around. The time i was looking forward the most! Sophie checked my dilation, and after all those painful hours, i was only 1-2cm dilated! But she managed to break my waterbag and put me on the Oxytocin drip to encourage stronger contractions so i’ll get more dilation and will be able to deliver sooner. The Anaethesist, Dr. Mezzatesta came and got the epidural going! I must say he was very professional, positive and calm. He made me so at peace, putting my worries at bay and very efficient! In 5 mins everything was over, Oxytocin was in, Epidural was in and Catherer is in. Now is just a waiting game.

Sophie came around at 3ish and checked. Was thrilled that i am 6cm dilated! She was positive and encouraging. She foresee that by 7pm ill be dilated enough for delivery and by 9pm, our lil Prince will be in my Arms. But all we can do is plan and pursue. At the end of the day, God has better plans for us. At 5:30pm, Elva (OMG the best midwife ever!) came and check on me and realised that i am not dilating any further and there was blood in my urine. Something was wrong.

Next thing we knew, Sophie came in and checked. She had to deliver the news that i dread. Something is obstructing the labour and we had to do an emergency c section. My heart literally dropped. I stared at you with the heaviest heart. Sophie had to get a team ready for the operation and with all the Operation theatres booked out, we had to wait for awhile. Half an hour later, Dr. Mezzatesta arrived to prep me for the Operation.

I was scared shitless i was not going to lie. I panicked, stressed and was nervous. I knew you do what you had to do. You remain calm and keep feeding me positive energy. As they wheeled me in to the Theatre, it was the scariest moment in my life. Dr Mezzatesta kept me calm, i think every possible nerves were written all over my face. He was there just an arms length away from me the whole time to make sure i am ok. Everyone kept telling me how everything is going to be okay.

As i lay on that cold table, i broke out to strong cold shivers and nausea. You kept telling me it will be ok and it was going to be over soon and we can finally see our baby. I kept wanting to puke! And i requested not to see anything as they pull and thug and finally people told you to stand and have your phone ready as the baby arrives. Everything happen so quick!  We found out then that Ayden’s head was too big to fit into my pelvis, hence, the obstructed labour.

They wanted to pull down the drape to let me see the action, but i didnt want to. I was still shivering cold and puking and i didnt want to see our lil prince in that state. I cried when you brought him over to see me. You must be overwhelmed, i can see it in your beamig eyes. But i still couldnt bring myself to hold him due to my shivers and nausea! I kept asking the people around me how long more for the stitching to be complete. I was getting very sick. Very cold.

Finally at the recovery room, you managed to let me hold the baby. It was beautiful. I managed to whisper “Assalammualaikum” in his ears before you had to bring him to the special nursery to get his sugar levels checked. And when you return, i was just overjoyed. I thank God profusely for protecting me, for guiding me through this experience and for blessing me with a lil family i could call my own. Now as i slowly recover and ease into my new role as a Mother. InsyaAllah it will all be smooth sailing.

As we put an end to this chapter, InsyaAllah we will reopen this chapter in the future.

Muhammad Ali, i just want to thank you for being there with me every step of the way, for staying by my side at my most vulnerable time, for dressing me when i wasnt able to, for helping me through my recovery without any complains,for waking up at every night feeds when i told you not to, for being the best dad to Ayden! I pray to God everyday to protect you from harm, to give you the best he could offer in this life and hereafter and bless you with everlasting happiness! I think the words, I love you Muhammad Ali is an understatement. Cause its so much more than that.

PS: The staff at Mitcham Private, Dr Sophie Leong, Dr Joseph Mezzatesta and Dr Shane O’Dea has been super amazing! Making this journey a beautiful and memorable one! Definitely won’t hesitate to go back to them in the future!


Missing our suite already and the midwives who looked after us 24/7 for the past week! ☺️

Bride.blabs 》 Wifey.blabs 》Anathyst

I was longing for a change. to be back where i was from.

A place where I can pen my thoughts.

This is it. I found it.

 

Now its home is where it will be. WordPress.

Tumblr was good then for micro blogging. These days my mind filled with so much that i literally need to put it out there! For future sake, for memories, for me to go back to and remind myself how i’ve been and how i move forward.

Ignorance is bliss, they said.

What people don’t know is, i’ve thought it through, I knew the implications of conceiving at a later age, I know the risks I’m taking and that having a child is a rezeki on its own, I know all that. I am not ignorant. I just have a few things that I want to experience first. I have a plan. Despite you not knowing and not interested in knowing my plans. I have them and as much I do want to have kids of my own. I do really. It’s not the right time yet. I know. Stop saying I am ignorant and stop asking me when I’m going to have my own kids. I will with all your duas and prayers. Insya Allah in time I will.

Marriage Life ^5

Have been officially married for 5 months. There’s so much you learnt as a wife, even 5 years in a Relationship with the same man won’t prepare you for marriage life. It is all a bitter sweet learning curve isn’t it? I have to shake perceptions off people’s mind that just because we have been in a long term relationship and eventually married, doesn’t mean that we had it good the whole time. There’s been several peaks and abundance of lows to get to where we are today.
I don’t consider our relationship as lucky but more like it has been written in our paths.
And even till now, nothing has changed.. it’s still all the same. You’ll get the highest peaks and struck with the deepest lows. Relationships can never be perfect. Ever. If it is, wouldn’t the world be a better place? There’s no broken homes, broken friendships and severe family ties. So quit thinking we had it good, because we definitely don’t. Each day i pray to be a better wife, to have the patience and strength to get through the tests he has challenged us with. Each day, i prayed he gave us the light in this dark road that we’re taking.
I wouldn’t doubt it, i still have butterflies in my stomach whenever i see him. If i could race it back home (instead of taking the bus!) i would have, every single day just to see his smile. Despite us both annoying each other to the fullest everyday. Despite us arguing about petty stuff. At times how much we hate each other and wish we have spells to make each other *poof*! God chose us to be with each other for a reason, we both might not figured it out yet. But insya Allah one day we will.

Firsts of changes and adaptation

it has been nearly 4 months since our wedding day. 

so much has changed. so many changes to adapt. time to blab a little.

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It was definitely not easy moving in with the In Laws for a Girl like me. I had jitters of a different kind. Been living independently for the last 4 years and to move back living with a family was quite an adapting change. 

Despite how awesome and great your in laws are, you’ll always feel that there has been an invisible expectation that was put before you even came into the family. Nonetheless, I count it upon my blessing in so many ways.

Reading a few of my friend’s Facebook statuses regarding their Siblings-In-Law made me shudder if i have been doing things wrong or should have i done things differently. Nonetheless, i woke up every morning trying to do things differently in order to please the household. Yet, you are your own worse critic, hence, nothing was ever sufficient. Alhamdullilah, a step at a time, it eases me through the transition… 

“If there is one recipe for unhappiness it is that: expectations.” – Yasmin Mogahed

Marriage is way different than your average relationships and nevertheless, it doesn’t prepare you no matter how long you have been in the relationship before you got married to your husband.

Petty fights are not as easy as sleeping over it or run away or avoiding calls when you were living separately. Now, the anger lingers stronger since you’re stuck under that one roof. It can be emotionally draining when you got nowhere to hide. Facing it head on can be as challenging as crying silently, wishing it will all go away.

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Looking forward to what this phase of life brings me. Good or Bad. Redha is the key.