is a far better word than Divorce in my opinion. That latter term has been used so loosely in our current generation. It’s heartbreaking.

I used to be angry at couples divorcing; more so when they have children. I feel for the young ones, growing up will be hard especially at a very young age where they are still naive and curious. Where they grew up and understanding the concept of a family and consequently questions will be raised.

As I grew older, and deeper into my marriage. I realised that it IS hard. Marriage is a test itself. You have to keep working on it. You enter the realm for marriage where times can be sweeter than honey and at times so difficult you wonder if you’re with the right person. Indeed there’s no, the one. How do you know? How do I? What if it’s written that after 5years that he’s not the one for you. Indeed, only Allah knows and he’s the best of all planners. And you do not know.

Just like everything else in life, you try your best, you tawakkal and redha with everything that life throws at you. Because He will not burden a soul more than it can bear.

I used to think why couples can’t just go back to the first time when they got together reminisce, maybe they realised why they fall in love with each other in the first place, then things will return to their good ideals and a separation is not an option. But I soon realised, Everyone changes. And Change is the only constant.

Maybe it takes two to clap, it takes both to make it work. But also maybe a separation is inevitable.

Mum Guilt

Well, this past week has been quite trying.

And today, well today had to top it all!

Rush from home to office to the embassy to the office.. we are still on the way back to the office. Took the tram across the city holding a guilty lunch packed in a brown bag with Golden Arches in front of it. No not for me but for Ayden. Yes. Judge me. All you want.

Amidst the crazy rush this morning, Ayden was with me the whole time. Had to pull him to walk quickly so we won’t have to queue long at the embassy or missed the tram to catch the bus in the city to head back to the office. He was tired.

For the first time in a while, I panicked. I guess I was too exhausted to care about anything else except for work and these boys. Up till 4am this morning, went to the bathroom and decided (God knows!) to check my email. We got a check in email from the Airline and advised us to check our Visa requirements. And that 4am was the start of my day, because only then we realised Ayden needed a visa to enter China as he holds a different passport to Hubs and I.

I got all the details, checklists and decided to print all the paperwork at home. And of all days, none of the printers at home has any INK left! Subhanallah. I thought that was it and my heart broke further, when it states that it takes 3-4 working days to process. That’s why we had to make an emergency stop at the office.

I was ready to bring on the waterworks at the Embassy. Our flight departs at 6pm the next day, we literally only have less than 24hours to get hold of a Visa for this toddler of ours!

When we got to the embassy, there were not too many people just as yet. Luckily they have forms there to fill up and a copier to make copies of any relevant documents. The normal cost for a Holiday Visa to China was from $109.50. We had to fork out $209 altogether for a rush visa! OMG. i never had to pay that much for a Visa before. Well, whats done is done.

So we arranged for Ali to pick up the Visa the next morning. And finally, we can check in for our flight to Shanghai with a quick pit stop to Singapore for a wedding.


4 days ago, Ayden got home from Childcare with a 39.5 fever. Weak and with no appetite after his evening bath, he slumped on the couch. Next minute, he threw up all over it.

And here I go, INDEED. Not long before the childcare virus got on to him. A day later, Hubs got the virus but he was worst off. His body practically shuts down on him, he couldn’t even lift a finger, he was that weak. He was bedridden for a couple of days.

Exhausted is an understatement. Cleaning up after every vomit, every hour, everywhere. Pulled an arm muscle from Ayden’s clinginess and asking to be carried everywhere. Every 15mins, he kept wailing that his stomach is in pain. His poor appetite doesn’t help either.

Here I am trying to coax Ayden back to sleep for the fifteenth time in the last two hours, because his stomach was painful and his coughs were disrupting his sleep. We bought a 100ml Neurofen on Thursday and its 1/4 left now!

Still feeling helpless, like I have got no idea what to do, I’ve been rubbing oil on his tummy, giving him cuddles, hot water bottle, trying all home remedies that Google told me to. His fever has been on and off.

Just too stressful.

We just need to wait for another Doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Because the Husband is still unwell, got to bring Ayden for an early start at work. Payroll day is super busy. Then rush for his doctor appointment then rush home and hoping to cook lunch for both.

Apart from my sorrows, a lil part of me are glad that it happened now rather than on our holidays.

May Allah ease our affairs tomorrow. 3 more days ✈️


I haven’t put my thoughts 💭 onto this platform for awhile; too long for my own liking.

As time passes, i realised i have a dozen of drafts awaits me, mostly thoughts i jot down and left unpursued.

These days my escape from reality is through the few games I have on my phone or just reading Iain’s series of poetry. A Quick escape before Ayden got me on my feet again.

Still struggling trying to find a balance on social platforms but always get distracted either by business ideas or finding a more efficient way to combat the marketing of business.