Mummy wins, Mummy guilty

Tonight was the night, I dread.

We have been moderately giving the IPad to Ayden for him to watch his favourite shows on ABC kids and playing educational games. Before, it was strictly when we are out and about.

Since Ramadan started, I’ve been giving Ayden the iPad while I carry out my Ishak and Terawih prayers.Tonight was different. He hasn’t slept all day, hence I was thinking of putting him to bed early, after all he must be so tired not napping the whole day!

Boy was I wrong, after changing to his Pyjamas, he started asking for iPad. I shook my head, he begun crying like there was no tomorrow, kicking and throwing tantrums. It was so hard to see but I was adamant that we both can get through this. The battle lasted for 20-30mins (it seems like an eternity for me!) finally as he was sobbing very hard; he crawled onto my lap, eyes shut and slowly drift to sleep.

I cradle him tightly for the next half an hour and gently kissed him on the forehead and whispered in his ears; “I’m sorry I had to do what I had to do. Mummy loves you very much”.

I think the part that scares me the most is when he starts to demand for it and worst when he expect it from me.

We’ll get there. Here’s to us trying 72hours without an iPad.

Advertisements

Ramadan already!

What! 3 weeks to Ramadan!

Omg How the time flies! This year has been such an optimistic year! I’m actually surprised at myself and what I’ve achieved in the state of my overall well being. It was my demons that I’m fighting and issues I’m admitting.

January started off with two deaths in the family. It was quite a shock and at the same time, it draws me closer to my own. Truth to be told, deaths are inevitable, no warnings or signs. When it comes, you have to Redha and accept what comes may; for Allah has better plans for all of us. Let’s spend more time with our families. Only time will tell when it happens, in the meantime make more memories and embrace all the moments.

In the past four months, I’ve gone through 3 suicide deaths of known acquaintances. It took everyone by surprise. You’ve met, have coffee dates and have deep meaningful convos. At the end of the day, everyone tried their best at both ends. Family and friends. It’s really devastating to see the aftermath and how it takes a toll on their families. You can only pray. Pray harder for them.

I think that for every decision you make, that’s what makes you, you. It’s not for anyone else. All I can say from the past few months, it taught me that my happiness comes first. It may sound selfish to some, but it is actually important to prioritise the state of your overall well-being amongst everything else. That’s your core.

I don’t blame anyone or spoke ill of anybody in this course. It was me, my issues. I have this issue of expecting the same treatment I gave to another, some said I expect too much. It was something that I thought was given when you give. Indeed, I learnt. Now I learnt not to expect anything and it’s quite an eye opener. The sooner you let go and learnt, the faster you run in happiness!

It was my biggest issue to hold on to relationships really tightly, too dependent on some which I should not. Again, that was indeed my issue and not anyone’s. I learnt it the hard way. So, I decided to take myself out of the equations,and shift my focus on my own life, my own family. Indeed, it’s been such a great learning journey discovering myself and you learn a thing or two new every time. (Just like how I realised Ayden seemed to enjoy rice and Kangkong Belachan!)

Moving forward, I’m living and going with the flow, with the people who comes in and stay, with the people who chose to leave, with the people who let you be the best of you.

Heavy.

It was Summer of 2017 when this song lingers through me. You see I am more of a lyrical person. I tend to decipher the meanings of songs through lyrics as compared to others who are more interested on the notes of the song. Like my husband for example.

A song that spoke to me at my lowest. Its funny how people telling me about how emotional or sensitive one (others) can be. And whenever that happens, I felt like a piercing through my heart each time. Like I know they don’t know, but I know some may call ME the same! But I totally get it.

There are days that I struggle to fight my own demons. There are days when I lay prostrating before Allah, and my tears, they just kept falling. There are days where questions like “Am I good enough for anyone?” filled my head.

I’ve had my share of suicide incidents that happen to friends, a friend of a friend. It’s never easy. One minute they are laughing, and the next minute, they just took their life. And its not for us to judge. Not for us to think “oh what a waste!” We can never feel how they feel at that time, how heavy their heart must be before taking that final step.

Heavy

I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic

And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy

‘Cause I can’t escape the gravity
I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on, So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free

Holding on, Why is everything so heavy?

You say that I’m paranoid
It’s not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I’m not the center of the universe

Baggage

Before you go ahead and bitch about someone else ;

“oh yea, he’s always emotional! Can’t be bothered with people like that!”

“Oh yea, she’s like that. I don’t need the negativity”

“She’s always sensitive!”

“He’s such a reserved individual! Whatever…”

The least you can do is reach out and ask the person “Are you ok?” Nine out of Ten, you’ll be surprise with the replies you get. No one wants to be emotional, if they have a choice, no one wants to be the sensitive one anyways. Always look at the bigger picture.

Everyone have their own baggage. Who are we to judge what anyone is going or have gone through. Before you pass such baseless remarks to bitch about, at least be the wiser person and a caring friend to question about the bigger picture here or if you’re only considered yourself as an acquaintance, shut the fuck up!

Family

I was brought up in a way where family comes first. In anything and everything.

It wasn’t until I moved to Melbourne that my sibling ties were so much closer than before. I guess our decade gap makes it hard growing up. They were teenagers when I was still in my toddlerhood. It was like being too cool to hang out with your baby sister.

With my parents, whenever we have any family events, you better clear your plans for the day. My dad had only started asking if we had plans for the day after we have our own families.

To think back, I think that’s why I’m such a homebody; very much family oriented. I love doing something with the whole family. Get a lil excited for family events or trips.

If I could I would fly back now. But this girl who’s now a mum and wife, has priorities that needs to be settled. Till December then.

Weekends

Here i am sitting on the steps of the State Library blogging after savoring a delicious Apple Puff from Pafu. Its comparable; well may be a lil more delicious than my favourite apple turnovers from Delifrance.

All of that while listening to Julia Michaels. Such an incredible songwriter! All her songs, really, she definitely wears her heart on her sleeve. “They say all Good boys go to heaven but bad boys bring heaven to you..” Oh god those sultry lyrics, i think it’s genius! She even co wrote one of my favourite Linkin Park songs; “Heavy”!

The past few weekends has been super busy, since the long weekend we had from Australia Day. Beginning of February is very busy with this lil family of ours. Back to back birthday weekends! First Ali and then this weekend will be Ayden.

acs_0011

Off to Geelong with the Syeds for a good beach day roadtrip but the weather suddenly takes a sudden turn, we had to endure cloudy and cold winds at Torquay and decide to drive down to Geelong after lunch and to our surprise. Mr Sun decides to show up! It was quite busy at the waterfront with Craft market, some carnival going on and some event. It was quite a delightful event for the kids.

acs_0010

We had a wind down Saturday splashing about by the river just behind our area which we don’t even know until now! Pound bend Reserve definitely one in the list of our favourite picnic spots!

We packed on some bbq meats and sunscreen! And slowly, people driving in with their canoes and kayaks and some just clad in their swimwear all ready for a swim! Definitely great for families!

It was such a refreshing Saturday despite the hot weather! After the swim, we packed up and hit Chadstone for some AC and Dinner! Summer days in Melbourne is a good time to head to the mall for some cool down time! Once you had enough of the Sun that is.

#1일1팩

Or also known to be #onedayonemask challenge.

Honestly, I think it’s such an awesome way for me to utilise all my masks that I bought from Seoul.

Unlike my virgin trip, the second trip to Seoul, I knew what I wanted and where to get them. So I shopped what I needed and only bought a few masks for souvenirs. After looking at all the masks that are sold online and in the Korean stores in the city, I wish I’ve bought more in Seoul as they are just so expensive!

Day 1: MISSHA Real Solution Tencel Sheet Mask (Soothing) CERAMIDE

This was given to me by Mar, when I told her to bring a mask for me to use on my previous flight home from Singapore. Being the thoughtful her, she brought me a few masks to choose from!

Due to the summer heat, my skin these days are so dehydrated, patchy and flaky. The Missha Mask actually left my skin feeling so hydrated but again with all sheet masks, I have no idea how people go to bed with their sticky excess essence from the masks. Koreans believed that by tapping the excess essence from the masks into your skin, gives you a lasting effects.

It seems to be a little too much essence for me to be tapping into my skin. I end up blotting the excess very lightly with a wet napkin.

Day 2: Beyond Green Tea from Jeju Mask

I discovered that I have a red patch on my face god knows from what or where I got it from! Probably due to our extremely hot days we had this Summer. As part of Seoul souvenirs for my friends, I bought heaps of Beyond masks while I was in Myeondong!

It is known to be Cellulose mask sheet with abundant essence extracted from Jeju Green Tea which purifies skin and delivers utmost moisture. I just love how the masks were not drenched with too much essence and at the same time not dripping of it as you put them on. The mask “hugs” my face so well, I feel like I can multi task while masking! After having them on for 20mins, my face feels so much hydrated and the red patch I had before has faded the next morning.

Again with the sticky excess essence, I blot it lightly again with a wet napkin.

Day 3: I was beyond exhausted from work! I slept way too early and end up forgetting to put on my mask!

Day 4: Beyond herb garden Rosehip Mask

As per Beyond’s website, The Rosehip masks was meant to moisturise and increase elasticity of your skin. I love the rose fragrance of the mask. It is so soothing and relaxing and the mask fits so perfectly!

With any sheet masks, the maximum recommended time to leave it on your face is 20mins. The idea is to remove the masks before it dries up, which consequently absorb your face moisture if you leave it on for too long.

I was anticipating my face to be covered with sticky excess essence. I was surprised that when I remove the mask, it wasn’t as much essence left on my skin and I could actually scrunched the mask and dab little leftover essence into my skin! It’s not at all sticky! Yay!

Day 5: Bonvivant Mellow Clay Mask Mint Tea Tree

Bonvivant’s popular line of next-level jelly clay masks specially crafted to gently cleanse pores, hydrate skin, and brighten the complexion. The Mint Tea Tree mask treats troubled and oily skin, removing dead skin cells and absorbing excess sebum with its Tea Tree Oil. It also tightens enlarged pores and cools skin with a refreshing sensation, leaving you shining radiantly in a non-greasy way.

Indeed the moment I slather it on, I can feel how fast the mask was working, it tightened up my pores and dried really quick.Additionally, the walnut seeds in the clay mask act as a scrub! As a result after I washed my face, my skin felt super refreshed, radiant and my pores were definitely tightened! I can’t stop touching my skin!

It was fantastic! I bought this as a set together with Hawaiian Pink Calamine and Jeju Volcanic. It is meant for rainbow masking, where you use different clay masks to combat different problematic areas of your face! Definitely saves you time!

I’ve always loved clay masks as compared to sheet masks! I love how they absorbed all the impurities from the skin. But I must admit sheet masks are fairly convenient and easier to remove.

Day 6: Bonvivant Botanical Mellow Clay Mask Hawaiian Pink Calamine

As they say “The Pink Calamine mask calms and relieves red, dry, and flaky skin, thanks to its star ingredient Calamine that treats even sunburns and rashes. This calming mask also hydrates while detoxing skin, so you’re left with clean, moisturized, and supple skin.” It leaves my skin so smooth!

Although the texture of the mask is a lil gooey and pudding like, it can be quite tedious to apply them on the face.

At this rate of the challenge my skin is looking extra glowy and smooth. When I put my foundation on, it is more smoother and my make up lasts longer than usual. Acne is currently at bay which is awesome!

Day 7: Bonvivant Botanical Mellow Clay Mask Jeju Volcanic

BONVIVANT-Botanical-Mellow-Clay-Mask-70g-+-Silicone-Pack-Brush-1eaThe final trio of the Bonvivant Clay Mask range is The Jeju Volcanic mask which exotic ingredients were sourced from Jeju volcanoes to dig out deep-seated dirt, debris, and oil from pores. It also controls excess sebum production, leaving you with clear, radiant, and naturally dewy skin. Plus, it’s the mildest of the three in this line, so it’s perfect for sensitive and blackhead-prone skin.

Just like the Mint Tree mask, the moment you slather the mask on, you can feel a tingling sensation and your-face-starts-to-tighten feeling. I’ve always love that feeling, Feels like all my pores are shrinking. Once the mask was washed off, the clean feeling without the excess oil is amazing.

And it is definitely much easier to put on than the Hawaiian Pink Calamine. The texture of the mask is semi thick but easily spread through out the face without dripping or caused any mess.

Day 8: Faith in Face – Healthy Look

HEALTHY_LOOK_S-500x500_large

Ilyana introduced to me to the Faith in Face mask range back in 2013. I was so excited and fell in love with its packaging the moment I saw it on display at Olive and Young! Over the years, I’ve tried most of its masks. My favourites are the After Shower mask and Miss tighten Pore masks. They are just amazing!

During my last trip, I decided to buy the new range and try it out. I would have bought the hydrogel masks but they were sold out! So much for being the Number 1 mask in Korea! 😛

As expected, the mask was drenched with the essence but fortunately it wasn’t dripping as I put it on. Indeed it is very moisturising and leave my skin very supple once I take them off. I wasn’t bothered about the leftover essence. However, It wasn’t as great as their previous range.

After a week of masking, I wont deny that as a result from the challenge, my face was soft, supple, healthy looking and less oily. Wooohoooo! However, I don’t think I would continue it on a daily basis just because the prices of masks in Australia are just far too expensive especially Korean Masks! If I were to be living in Seoul, I don’t mind doing it everyday! For a dollar more or less for a mask, who doesn’t!

I may just continue to hop on the masking challenge on a monthly basis just for a pamper treat for my skin or prepping my skin for an occasion or big day.

xoxo