Taiyaki

MasyaAllah I have been blessed with friends who has been nothing short of amazing and generous.

A few weeks ago, Mira and Ery surprised me with a Taiyaki pan! It’s been sitting in my eBay cart for the longest time! but I didn’t really see a need for it to checkout. Thank you Mira and Ery! We love it! More tea time treats!

Yesterday we pulled it out and make it! I’m not a big fan of red bean. So I decided to make my favourite cheese Taiyaki!

It came out amazing! I used the recipe from Chopstick Chronicles. Link is here. The only thing I change is using cake flour instead of plain flour. And I was too impatient to let it rest for 30mins. So I just did it anyways and it turns out great!

xoxo

74.

Tomorrow, she would have been 74. The most strong willed woman Ill ever love. Oh, the things I regret. Things I would do sooner if I knew.

The places I wish I could take you to visit, that pilgrimage I knew you’re longing to go again, the house I wish you could see that I build and live with me, the hugs that I missed and the sound of your voice for the daily life reminders that keeps me grounded.

I wish I could rewind time. I wish I did more for you. I wish I spend more time with you. There’s so many things I wish and the list of things I want to do with you. But He loves you more.

It’s been such a struggle this year, sometimes when I’m listening to songs or watch a sad episode, I’ll start crying thinking of you, multiple times I find myself wiping my tears on the morning train rides to work. I miss you. A lot. I will hear the recordings of our convos and watch the videos of you. Only to find myself more vulnerable than I thought then to ease my heart.

Oh Mak, They said Grief takes time. For me, I think I’ll be living with this guilt for a long time.

Al Fateha Atmah Binte Abdullah

xoxo

August’s winter sun

That feeling when the sun is shining on your face during the winter season.

That feeling when you can breathe in the fresh air without any difficulty.

That feeling when you hear a laughter of a 5 year old boy asking you to keep up.

Then you have your hand over your heart, asking for Him to mend it.

Dashing Hopes

Something about morning train rides that they are one of the calming things that i look forward to. During these rides, i will always find time to reflect and remember Him earnestly. Peacefully.

Have you ever wanted something so badly, you’ve waited for years and more. One circumstance after another, you preserved and waited. Patient is now an understatement. Then when it’s just within your grasp. You lost it. The fact that it’s just within your grasp. so so close. And your heart, it breaks, it hurts so much that you just withdraw, withdraw to a place you’ve been before.

A dark place, where you just blocked everything out, and try to recover on your own. Recovery only you can take steps to. Even when you take a step forward and 10 steps backward the next day. And its hard to tell someone else. Because it will be another person telling you to snap out of it and have more gratitude towards life.

And i don’t wish to have that conversation. not today, not ever. And then this came up on my feed. What an apt timing.

Let me crawl out of this, at my own timing and in my way. whatever that way maybe. InsyaAllah