What people don’t know is, i’ve thought it through, I knew the implications of conceiving at a later age, I know the risks I’m taking and that having a child is a rezeki on its own, I know all that. I am not ignorant. I just have a few things that I want to experience first. I have a plan. Despite you not knowing and not interested in knowing my plans. I have them and as much I do want to have kids of my own. I do really. It’s not the right time yet. I know. Stop saying I am ignorant and stop asking me when I’m going to have my own kids. I will with all your duas and prayers. Insya Allah in time I will.
Passing
One of the woes of living away from home is that you missed important occasions, events and the making of memorable memories. Not forgetting sad episodes such as the passing of your loved ones.
I was never good with goodbyes and departures. My emotions are slow to react. Ill be very sad but my emotions doesn’t show. Then, the day after or so, I’ll be balling my eyes out. Yes the crybaby.
Been through a number of passings in the family. But one that caught and wrenched this heart the most was when my maternal grandma passed away in 2011. It was a sudden episode. She was the last grandparent i had after my paternal grandma passed away in 2000. I remember hosting my best friends when they came down to Melbourne. Once, I heard the news from my sister, I knew I had to call home straight away. Was already searching for flights back home but Mum told me to stay put. It was really hard.
Amidst being busy with the funeral arrangements and trying to get everything done as soon as possible. She was pretty adamant for me to stay put and said by the time I reached home grandma will already be buried. So the best possible outcome is to offer prayers for her from where I am.
Indeed, I was motionless through the ordeal. I grab the prayer mat and my prayers attire and pray. Was continuously praying and apologising to her for not spending more time, for not heading back earlier, for I didn’t had time to apologise for my wrongdoings… Ultimately for not being there. I was disappointed. Helpless.
Remembered putting on a strong front but I crumbled and cried non stop when the Mr send me home. I never want to ever be in that position ever again. I promised myself, I am taking the next flight out. Not risking anything and living with regrets.
I definitely understand that turmoil, that heartbreak feeling being away from people who matters the most especially when they are in critical condition. life is short. indeed. Do anything you can possibly do so you will avoid any regrets in the future.
Hard lessons learnt.
#TheDailyPositive
Take all the time you need.
#TheDailyPositive
Do not pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.
Life
This life is not about how well you planned it nor about how hard you try to make it work as planned. Some may choose to argue otherwise.
For me no matter how much i have planned out my life to be, no matter how hard i tried to make it as close to it as possible. Nothing is constant. He gives and take away anything in a blink of an eye. He puts you down and brought you back up from your sorrows. He pulls you down and have the hard face of reality smack into you when you’re up on cloud nine for too long.
There you go. Nothing is constant.
Constant is when you pick yourself up after you fall. Constant is forgiving. Constant is having faith in him. Constant is him.
He challenges you to be who you have not become. He made you to be who you are and guide you to be amazing. He loves you enough to let you know that each challenge he put you through, you Will succeed in the matter of time. He will not bestow pain that you couldnt bear. He loves you.
But we are all humans. Neither you and i are perfect. Sometimes we have doubts. Sometimes we give up. Sometimes we hate. Sometimes we let go…
anathyst 