One of the woes of living away from home is that you missed important occasions, events and the making of memorable memories. Not forgetting sad episodes such as the passing of your loved ones.
I was never good with goodbyes and departures. My emotions are slow to react. Ill be very sad but my emotions doesn’t show. Then, the day after or so, I’ll be balling my eyes out. Yes the crybaby.
Been through a number of passings in the family. But one that caught and wrenched this heart the most was when my maternal grandma passed away in 2011. It was a sudden episode. She was the last grandparent i had after my paternal grandma passed away in 2000. I remember hosting my best friends when they came down to Melbourne. Once, I heard the news from my sister, I knew I had to call home straight away. Was already searching for flights back home but Mum told me to stay put. It was really hard.
Amidst being busy with the funeral arrangements and trying to get everything done as soon as possible. She was pretty adamant for me to stay put and said by the time I reached home grandma will already be buried. So the best possible outcome is to offer prayers for her from where I am.
Indeed, I was motionless through the ordeal. I grab the prayer mat and my prayers attire and pray. Was continuously praying and apologising to her for not spending more time, for not heading back earlier, for I didn’t had time to apologise for my wrongdoings… Ultimately for not being there. I was disappointed. Helpless.
Remembered putting on a strong front but I crumbled and cried non stop when the Mr send me home. I never want to ever be in that position ever again. I promised myself, I am taking the next flight out. Not risking anything and living with regrets.
I definitely understand that turmoil, that heartbreak feeling being away from people who matters the most especially when they are in critical condition. life is short. indeed. Do anything you can possibly do so you will avoid any regrets in the future.
Hard lessons learnt.