Author Archives: Anathyst

Maybe.

Posted in Journal by

Every now and then, the news of cheating partners lay by on my newsfeed. I sit there pondering to myself if my spouse is doing the same. And that’s just me.

Irregardless whether its the man or the woman, cheating i despise. No matter how good your reasons you kept shooting to prove your innocence. Cheating period. is not on! 

Being in the same boat myself prior to getting married to my husband. It wasn’t my husband. It was an emotional rollercoaster. You trusted that person with all you got, you knew the relationship was for the long run, you both had visions of getting married and have a family. But that one day came, you got the phonecall you wish you didn’t take but looking back you are so thankful you did.

“Sorry babe to call you in the middle of the night like this; i really need to tell you because you’re my friend and that i hope you know that i care for you. Your boyfriend is cheating on you and has been ** with another girl! Are you there? Hello… Babe… Talk to me, please! Hello..” 

And i just hung up the phone just like that but i did text her to thank her for telling me. Why i chose to believe her, because i know she will never lie to me. She won’t call me so late at night if she knew it wasn’t important. Me, i just collapsed on the cold floor with my phone in my hand and curled up crying so hard in the most silent way so that i wont wake the rest of the family up.

Each time when i read about cheating partners, i recalled that specific time. I layed on that floor that night crying. Trying to reach that Man whom i trusted, respected and loved that was left unanswered. And more unconventional thoughts of him and that girl just sprung on my mind again and again that night.

Multiple anxiety attacks and asthma hit me! I am emotionally weak. My ultimate weakness. By the time, it was morning my tears dried up, my eyes swollen and my heart was hurting so bad. I texted Him to meet me at our usual place. He knew now that i know, i texted him countless times about it. On top of the unsuccessful  numerous calls i made.

We met and talked about it. We cried. He was remorseful but I wasn’t ready to take him back. I left. Not for long. Rather unfortunate. He chose me over that girl. Ecstatic not the least. 

That girl, she has the cheek to call me to try to be friends with and apologize for that fling! She try to add me on various social media.. She tried to chat me up on MSN. She emails me a couple of times which i never entertained. As heavy my heart is, sinking like an anchor to the ocean floor. I forgave her and told her to move on and do not attempt to contact me anymore. 

  

For him, the next year and the half was very challenging. Was full of trust issues. I was insecure. My heart was constantly challenged. I soon regretted. I was emotionally  wreck. I couldnt see myself getting married with him and still having all this trust issues. I couldnt see myself having a family with someone like him anymore. I kept telling myself, maybe tomorrow i will be able to come to terms with it. But that tomorrow didn’t come. not ever.
And so I ran. I moved. I flew to another continent to start a fresh.

This time i told myself, if my man were to cheat on me, I won’t hesitate to leave. Yes with or without kids. I am not capable to go through that heartbreak again or feeling insecure for the rest of my life!

It was definitely a big chapter of my life that was just so hard to erase. It reminds me my scars and who i am today. I learned not to give 100% in love or trust to anyone except for Allah. Because noone is perfect except for him.

Questions.

Posted in Journal by

A friend asked us this question last weekend;

What would you advise your younger self?

I was very impressed with Ali’s answer, he said forget wasting your money and clubbing wasting your life away. Travel the world as much as you can. Buy a house. (indeed such an awesome advice!)

Mine was just to travel more and do what you want to do. So you won’t have any regrets in the future.

What you reckon yours will be?

GTT.

Posted in Pregnancy by

Glucose Tolerance Test is what it means.

For those of whom who knows me, will know how terrified i am of Needles! Yup i am a scaredy cat! This test will conclude your sugar levels and see if you’ve got what the call Gestational Diabetes if your sugar levels soar high!

Well that happened. So you will fast for 10 hours the night before and came in for the test first thing in the morning. They will get a testube of your blood sample before getting you to drink 75ml of pure glucose liquid (erghhhh it was too sweet but not as bad as i thought it will be!), an hour later they will get another testube of blood sample and wait another hour for another testube. Altogether it takes 2.5hours and 3 needles poking your veins for the overall test! I was quite proud of myself for going through it!

Two days later got a call from the Gynae office and was told that my Sugar levels was high and hence they had to refer me to an Endocrinologist. I was bummed out! But most people say its more of diet plans and pricking fingers to monitor glucose levels 4 times a day! 😩 

 
Indeed, my nightmare came true when she told me just that! Spend 3 hours going through diet changes, pricking fingers and explanations after explanations. So i switched my daily jasmine rice meals to Basmati rice! Bought heaps of banana and apples! Also low gi bread for my daily toast breakfast and no sugar added yogurt for snacks. 

Oh wells, on a brighter note i am on to my 27th week! Super exciting and at the same time nerve wrecking! The photo below was taken last week! Mummy will try her hardest to provide the best for you baby! Can’t wait to have you in my arms 😘

 

25 weeks.

Posted in Pregnancy by

How amazing to see this little one growing week by week. God is indeed the all knowing and greatest. Alhamdullilah!

This is our Jellybean at 20 weeks! Thats exactly 5 weeks ago! He is definitely much bigger now and heavier too! Even a couple of people at work mentioned that i’ve popped out the past couple of weeks 😝

It never crossed my mind that i am ever going to go through a pregnancy journey of my own. I am always terrified of Labour. Oh gosh i know! There’s no way out now, haha! Been speaking heaps about my fear to my Gynae and fellow Preggo ladies. They have been such a pillar of support and such positive women. Indeed, like what Maryam went through;

23. And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a date-palm. She said: “Would that I had died before this, and had been forgotten and out of sight!”

24. Then [the baby Isa (Jesus) or Jibril (Gabriel)] cried unto her from below her, saying: “Grieve not: your Lord has provided a water stream under you.

25. And shake the trunk of date-palm towards you; it will let fall fresh ripe-dates upon you.

26. So eat and drink and be glad. And if you see any human being, say: ‘Verily! I have vowed a fast unto the Most Gracious (Allah) so I shall not speak to any human being this day’”

Quran (Surah Maryam, Verses 22-26)

Such a powerful Surah it still is to all women, a friend of mine and i will always remind each other to recite the Surah daily. I have been blessed with a supportive circle of friends who are not judgemental for any choices that I made or going to make. Who has always been exchanging tips and making sure that I am ok. ☺️