Winter Blues

It’s already the end of August. Safe to say the 3 month hiatus was due to Winter. Legit.

First it was Ramadan, if you know me, you know how I go on hiatus most of Ramadan, to drive and channel my energy to regain my spiritual health. Well, i try to. I’m not perfect. Alhamdulilah to be able to live and see another Ramadan.

The first month of winter was the worst for the family, the whole household was down with flu, no one was getting better and everyone was recovering but at a very slow pace. One after another, we skipped on any Eid Festivities. we were just so down and exhausted from being sick and cleaning up after one another. Ayden has been in and out of recovering. The moment he recovered someone else in the household is sick. So it has been a recuperating cycle for him.

Thank God everyone recovered just in time for the arrival of one of my favorite cousins. We’ve planned a now trip for her to Mount Hotham. You know you’re special when someone who hates the snow actually planned a snow trip for you! In addition, It was a great weekend to go up to the snow as it was one of the coldest we had and the snow fall was pretty heavy. It was amazing to see white scenery all round.

Being the patriotic us, we even managed to stream Singapore National Day Parade in our accommodation, sang, laughed and cried to the view of Home. Managed to watch the entire series of the “Central Park 5”, OMG the heart wrenching series. You have to watch if you have not, its on Netflix. Seriously you cant Netflix and Chill with this one. I cant even put to words… You just have to standby a tissue box by your side!

Although it was a short trip, but i am super grateful for her visit. I was missing home and craving for some family time. It was such a memorable visit. I had such a good break.

We said a few goodbyes this winter, when the cousin flew back to Singapore, we are bidding another goodbye to a friend of hours that is leaving to the States today along with her oh-so-cute daughter. I am glad we managed to attend Khaira’s birthday party in Geelong two weekends ago. It was a short but definitely a great catch up! Regardless, Goodbyes are just the beginning of see you again, for me. InsyaAllah we shall see you soon on the other side of the continent, Ila.

Khaira

Today, is Abah’s birthday, 12 years away and 12 birthdays missed. Its so hard every year, and each year i will buy him lunch or dinner from 3764 miles away and watch him eat. Quite heartbreaking really. Regardless, i am very glad he is eating till his heart is content with the lunch i send him today, watching both my parents eating lunch together is such a bliss. I’m glad for the Cameras we installed at home. Never could change the feeling of being there in person. Happy Birthday Abah! My wish for you is to bring you here and visit us once the time is appropriate and for me to quickly save money to send you to Umrah. That has been my life long wish.

May Allah bless you with health, barakah and rezeki.

XX

Separation

is a far better word than Divorce in my opinion. That latter term has been used so loosely in our current generation. It’s heartbreaking.

I used to be angry at couples divorcing; more so when they have children. I feel for the young ones, growing up will be hard especially at a very young age where they are still naive and curious. Where they grew up and understanding the concept of a family and consequently questions will be raised.

As I grew older, and deeper into my marriage. I realised that it IS hard. Marriage is a test itself. You have to keep working on it. You enter the realm for marriage where times can be sweeter than honey and at times so difficult you wonder if you’re with the right person. Indeed there’s no, the one. How do you know? How do I? What if it’s written that after 5years that he’s not the one for you. Indeed, only Allah knows and he’s the best of all planners. And you do not know.

Just like everything else in life, you try your best, you tawakkal and redha with everything that life throws at you. Because He will not burden a soul more than it can bear.

I used to think why couples can’t just go back to the first time when they got together reminisce, maybe they realised why they fall in love with each other in the first place, then things will return to their good ideals and a separation is not an option. But I soon realised, Everyone changes. And Change is the only constant.

Maybe it takes two to clap, it takes both to make it work. But also maybe a separation is inevitable.

Mum Guilt – Pre Vacation

Well, this past week has been quite trying.

And today, well today had to top it all!

Rush from home to office to the embassy to the office.. we are still on the way back to the office. Took the tram across the city holding a guilty lunch packed in a brown bag with Golden Arches in front of it. No not for me but for Ayden. Yes. Judge me. All you want.

Amidst the crazy rush this morning, Ayden was with me the whole time. Had to pull him to walk quickly so we won’t have to queue long at the embassy or missed the tram to catch the bus in the city to head back to the office. He was tired.

For the first time in a while, I panicked. I guess I was too exhausted to care about anything else except for work and these boys. Up till 4am this morning, went to the bathroom and decided (God knows!) to check my email. We got a check in email from the Airline and advised us to check our Visa requirements. And that 4am was the start of my day, because only then we realised Ayden needed a visa to enter China as he holds a different passport to Hubs and I.

I got all the details, checklists and decided to print all the paperwork at home. And of all days, none of the printers at home has any INK left! Subhanallah. I thought that was it and my heart broke further, when it states that it takes 3-4 working days to process. That’s why we had to make an emergency stop at the office.

I was ready to bring on the waterworks at the Embassy. Our flight departs at 6pm the next day, we literally only have less than 24hours to get hold of a Visa for this toddler of ours!

When we got to the embassy, there were not too many people just as yet. Luckily they have forms there to fill up and a copier to make copies of any relevant documents. The normal cost for a Holiday Visa to China was from $109.50. We had to fork out $209 altogether for a rush visa! OMG. i never had to pay that much for a Visa before. Well, whats done is done.

So we arranged for Ali to pick up the Visa the next morning. And finally, we can check in for our flight to Shanghai with a quick pit stop to Singapore for a wedding.

Virus

4 days ago, Ayden got home from Childcare with a 39.5 fever. Weak and with no appetite after his evening bath, he slumped on the couch. Next minute, he threw up all over it.

And here I go, INDEED. Not long before the childcare virus got on to him. A day later, Hubs got the virus but he was worst off. His body practically shuts down on him, he couldn’t even lift a finger, he was that weak. He was bedridden for a couple of days.

Exhausted is an understatement. Cleaning up after every vomit, every hour, everywhere. Pulled an arm muscle from Ayden’s clinginess and asking to be carried everywhere. Every 15mins, he kept wailing that his stomach is in pain. His poor appetite doesn’t help either.

Here I am trying to coax Ayden back to sleep for the fifteenth time in the last two hours, because his stomach was painful and his coughs were disrupting his sleep. We bought a 100ml Neurofen on Thursday and its 1/4 left now!

Still feeling helpless, like I have got no idea what to do, I’ve been rubbing oil on his tummy, giving him cuddles, hot water bottle, trying all home remedies that Google told me to. His fever has been on and off.

Just too stressful.

We just need to wait for another Doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Because the Husband is still unwell, got to bring Ayden for an early start at work. Payroll day is super busy. Then rush for his doctor appointment then rush home and hoping to cook lunch for both.

Apart from my sorrows, a lil part of me are glad that it happened now rather than on our holidays.

May Allah ease our affairs tomorrow. 3 more days ✈️