Something about morning train rides that they are one of the calming things that i look forward to. During these rides, i will always find time to reflect and remember Him earnestly. Peacefully.

Have you ever wanted something so badly, you’ve waited for years and more. One circumstance after another, you preserved and waited. Patient is now an understatement. Then when it’s just within your grasp. You lost it. The fact that it’s just within your grasp. so so close. And your heart, it breaks, it hurts so much that you just withdraw, withdraw to a place you’ve been before.

A dark place, where you just blocked everything out, and try to recover on your own. Recovery only you can take steps to. Even when you take a step forward and 10 steps backward the next day. And its hard to tell someone else. Because it will be another person telling you to snap out of it and have more gratitude towards life.

And i don’t wish to have that conversation. not today, not ever. And then this came up on my feed. What an apt timing.

Let me crawl out of this, at my own timing and in my way. whatever that way maybe. InsyaAllah