It’s been two months since i last blogged.

Yes. Motherhood taking its course alright. Everyday, is always something new to learn, to deal with and to adapt.

I learnt a lot, hurt a lot, disappointed a lot yet am still very proud.

People ask me all sorts of question from my birth story to my recovery and motherhood. But the following question stabs me in the heart. literally.

“Do you breastfeed or is Ayden on Formula?” 

A harmless question i never thought will hurt me the most. With low supply issues and expressing every so often indeed was very exhausting. Even Sophie my gynae did mentioned how exhausting it will be and if I can’t, i shouldnt be too hard on myself.

From the start, we have been mix feeding. Expressing breastmilk and topping up with Nan Pro Gold. It has been since the day he was admitted to Special Nursery due to my Gestational diabetes.

After 8 weeks, i decided to wean him off breastfeeding. I was exhausted and in near pit of depression. Guilty? I was swarmed with it every single day. I feel like i kept finding excuses not to breastfeed Ayden. Until one day the husband advised that nothing can replace breastmilk and no matter how little it is. It’s better than nothing. He supported and encouraged me to continue. 

Got myself a new breastpump. Spectra 9+. Now waiting for it to arrive. For the extra motivation to continue providing Ayden with breastmilk no matter how much the output will be. 

InsyaAllah he will guide me through.

To all mummies out there who are struggling with breastfeeding. Formula feeding is absolutely fine as long as Bub is well fed and gaining weight! He’s healthy and that’s all that matters. Don’t beat yourself up so badly! You’re awesome. You’ve done all that you can and the best that you can! Chin up!