Virus

4 days ago, Ayden got home from Childcare with a 39.5 fever. Weak and with no appetite after his evening bath, he slumped on the couch. Next minute, he threw up all over it.

And here I go, INDEED. Not long before the childcare virus got on to him. A day later, Hubs got the virus but he was worst off. His body practically shuts down on him, he couldn’t even lift a finger, he was that weak. He was bedridden for a couple of days.

Exhausted is an understatement. Cleaning up after every vomit, every hour, everywhere. Pulled an arm muscle from Ayden’s clinginess and asking to be carried everywhere. Every 15mins, he kept wailing that his stomach is in pain. His poor appetite doesn’t help either.

Here I am trying to coax Ayden back to sleep for the fifteenth time in the last two hours, because his stomach was painful and his coughs were disrupting his sleep. We bought a 100ml Neurofen on Thursday and its 1/4 left now!

Still feeling helpless, like I have got no idea what to do, I’ve been rubbing oil on his tummy, giving him cuddles, hot water bottle, trying all home remedies that Google told me to. His fever has been on and off.

Just too stressful.

We just need to wait for another Doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Because the Husband is still unwell, got to bring Ayden for an early start at work. Payroll day is super busy. Then rush for his doctor appointment then rush home and hoping to cook lunch for both.

Apart from my sorrows, a lil part of me are glad that it happened now rather than on our holidays.

May Allah ease our affairs tomorrow. 3 more days ✈️

Ramadan already!

What! 3 weeks to Ramadan!

Omg How the time flies! This year has been such an optimistic year! I’m actually surprised at myself and what I’ve achieved in the state of my overall well being. It was my demons that I’m fighting and issues I’m admitting.

January started off with two deaths in the family. It was quite a shock and at the same time, it draws me closer to my own. Truth to be told, deaths are inevitable, no warnings or signs. When it comes, you have to Redha and accept what comes may; for Allah has better plans for all of us. Let’s spend more time with our families. Only time will tell when it happens, in the meantime make more memories and embrace all the moments.

In the past four months, I’ve gone through 3 suicide deaths of known acquaintances. It took everyone by surprise. You’ve met, have coffee dates and have deep meaningful convos. At the end of the day, everyone tried their best at both ends. Family and friends. It’s really devastating to see the aftermath and how it takes a toll on their families. You can only pray. Pray harder for them.

I think that for every decision you make, that’s what makes you, you. It’s not for anyone else. All I can say from the past few months, it taught me that my happiness comes first. It may sound selfish to some, but it is actually important to prioritise the state of your overall well-being amongst everything else. That’s your core.

I don’t blame anyone or spoke ill of anybody in this course. It was me, my issues. I have this issue of expecting the same treatment I gave to another, some said I expect too much. It was something that I thought was given when you give. Indeed, I learnt. Now I learnt not to expect anything and it’s quite an eye opener. The sooner you let go and learnt, the faster you run in happiness!

It was my biggest issue to hold on to relationships really tightly, too dependent on some which I should not. Again, that was indeed my issue and not anyone’s. I learnt it the hard way. So, I decided to take myself out of the equations,and shift my focus on my own life, my own family. Indeed, it’s been such a great learning journey discovering myself and you learn a thing or two new every time. (Just like how I realised Ayden seemed to enjoy rice and Kangkong Belachan!)

Moving forward, I’m living and going with the flow, with the people who comes in and stay, with the people who chose to leave, with the people who let you be the best of you.