And Allah is the best of planners

Her Facebook post got me to tears, I’ve never been in her shoes but I am sure I will be a wreckage. I was literally sobbing hard while trying to put Ayden to sleep. Yet another night of meltdown, another round of fight. The battles we are facing with this lil one. His bedtime, that I will leave it to another story another day. But her post made me realise…

Every phase of our lives has been planned out, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful events were laid right in front of our eyes. Despite the challenges, we will always hold on to a thread called Hope. Hope that things will get better, Hope that our lives will improve, Hope that we will receive what we have been praying for, Hope that we will be protected from tragedies. But sometimes that thread of Hope is there to make or break you.

Make you to give you the strength to overcome the barriers, the ability to trust him that his plans are better than your dreams and the capacity to see the positive outcome of the situation. On the other hand, Hopes can break you into blinding your mind that you are in a much worst situation than what you are in, weakens your soul and crumble your faith. That part is the worst crater to fall into. I call it a crater because in the long haul; like the Volcano; you are unstable, emotional and you will accumulate all these anger awaiting to erupt. Insecurities began to sink in and in due course, you will start to become a pessimist. Been there and done that.

People always say look at the bright side of life. Always be grateful. Always look at the Positives. Once you blabber about your fate or be sad, people start to attack you, provoke you saying; you are not grateful enough. You don’t trust God enough. You don’t count your blessings enough. Enough said, all they are saying is “YOU ARE UNGRATEFUL!” Really Sad. Was talking to a friend the other night about Positivity, On some days its just hard to lift your head and smile to the world. In all honesty, I personally think it is okay to cry sometimes. It’s ok to have those cloudy days. Although you and I know some days you need to create your own sunshine but if you don’t, I think it’s perfectly ok.

I learnt during my transition to Motherhood how important it was to Tawakkal and Redha. We are in God’s eyes. He is the one that starts and ends our struggles. For you know, that best things are coming. It may not be now but it will be sooner than you think. Bigger than you think and the best it will ever be.

Indeed, the only way I breathe knowing that verily, with hardship come ease–and like all things of this world–this too shall pass. Love this excerpt from Yasmin Mogahed.

xoxo

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This is for the people that matters ❤️

Finally sitting here and enjoying my view of Ayden napping. Sometimes it’s just so hard to take a breather when you have a child that needs constant attention due to his phase of separation anxiety these days, it gets… wait for it…


Yes and someone is up!

(2 hours later..) 🕦

Here I am continuing this entry. In between the time Ayden woke up, he had his playtime yet still fussy, we ended up in a meltdown to get him to bed early. In the end, we both slept! This is our never ending dramas together EVERYDAY. Ayden and I! Tonight Mum 1 Ayden 0. Lucky night.

So dear friends, I’ve developed mind-texting-reply syndrome since the beginning of motherhood now. You know when I received a text and in my mind I replied your text but in reality I did not. And on occasions when I browse my messages and realised that “GOSH I DIDNT REPLY HIS/HER TEXT AND ITS BEEN TWO WEEKS!” Sorry Filzah 😫 the list goes on..  This has been happening a lot lately and I deeply apologise 😔 it was never intentional! It’s not like I have a lot on my mind, only God knows why?

Impromptu plans are always the best! Back in the day prior to February 2016, We used to call/text each other up and meet up in the next hour or later in the day for whatevs. I sincerely DO miss them days. Now it seems like impromptu plans needs to take place the week before. When I received texts like these ; “Hey lets meet up for dinner in the city tonight!” We have all these different scenarios unfolding in our heads, ‘Is there enough time to come home from work; get Ayden ready and pack his stuff? What’s the weather going to be like? How do we have to dress Ayden? Naptime issues? Things to pack? Carrier VS Pram? How’s parking like at the venue? Is it far for us to walk hence need the pram? On most occasions, we managed it pretty well. But on some days, we struggle to get out of the door just because. So my friends, if there are days that we couldn’t make it to your invite, please accept our apologies.

Sometimes I get carried away talking about motherhood, diaper change struggles and whatnots. I just can’t help it. Deep down please do know that I still get excited talking about Justin Bieber concert that’s happening next year, still go crazy over Zac Efron and Channing Tatum and wish that I am Chrissy Teigen on some days! So these will soon pass, please don’t hesitate to ask me out or include me in your convos and invites, I still crave for my girly time. Big time!

Motherhood may have taken over my life like a storm but do know I am still the same person as I am before. I will still be there for you the best I can, be it a listener or a friend to talk to. Things maybe a tad different that I tend to tow Ayden everywhere with me now but I will still try to meet you as much as I can. I deserve a lil bit of sanity too!

So for whatever shortcomings I have thus far, please forgive me!

xoxo