Driving… Finally!

Yay! So finally got the courage to contact the local driving school and bought a package for myself! Hoping that I could score my license before end of the year!

My true blue Aussie driving instructor took me by surprise with words like a**h*** and d***h*** every now then. But now I’m used to it.

This is definitely a big thing for me! Hoping I could ace them quickly but reality is I’m scared shitless in the driver’s seat!

Wish me luck!


Celebrity Crushes

*scrolling through Fattah’s Instagram*

We get too caught up with celebrity crushes, from what they are wearing to who they are dating so easily. Some may agree with me and some may not.

I go through phases; months at a time, i can be watching 4 Korean dramas on a weekly basis or i can be engrossed in a Malay/American drama daily. However, i can go months without watching any drama too!

I realised my infatuation with Korean or American celebrities usually takes a couple of months to die off, but i don’t even stalk them constantly on social media just the occasional Soompi or Enews goss or whatever that’s on my instagram newsfeed.

But for Malaysian celebrities, maybe because we are in the same racial/religion community. So we are easily influenced particularly of what they do or wear? If you get what I mean.

We stalked their social media, trying our best not to judge (but inevitably, as much as we deny,we do!) we check out the girls/guys they dated and how pretty or matchy they are, what/where they eat or hang out, who they are hanging out with and who designed the dress they are wearing.

After succumbing to peer pressure (because I’m a softie like that) I watched SHMP and fell head over heels with FA. Then I was so excited to know that #lofattah exists! Yay! Next minute, they’re not and fast forward to #fattzura Not a happy Jan! God knows why I had such a bitter reaction. I guess the whole chemistry of SHMP still clouding my mind.

Moreover, we even added Stalkers Cafe in our itinerary during our KL stopover to much of the husband’s resentment. Omg I know! I don’t even know why I did what I did. It was a Sunday, we knew he wouldn’t be there (his insta story say so! Filming a telemovie #fattzura again!) so a lil disappointed but was hoping his cafe would do justice. Omg since we ordered our deserts and have them served. None of the waiters smiled at us, seems very bleh atmosphere to me. The desserts we got was waffles that was just… Wasn’t good experience at all.

Time to unfollow so many unnecessary celebrities. Goodbye Fattah Amin.


I decided to embark on #projectpan and #empties to motivate myself on finishing up    the large amount of skincare products and my make up products too before purchasing new ones or trying new brands.

In saying that, I have two toners; Chanel and Etude House, that I hardly use, if I even remember to! My skincare routine is as shocking as me rushing to work with damp hair every morning! 😫

And this itchy fingers HAD to open another facial toner; Mustika Ratu, that was given to me as my postpregnancy gift almost a year ago now! My excuse was that the weather has been merciless hot the past few weeks and the cucumber infused toner just seems refreshing! And so now I have three opened toners and one unopened toner that I usually stock up from Etude House whenever I head back to Singapore!

So how now, brown cow! Time to start using them all up!

It’s a little bit different with my make up stash! I believe that when a product matches my skin tone in terms of colour and affordability with minimal or no effects on my skin; I’ll stick to it.

There’s several of those spur of the moment purchases that I am not too proud of! Like last week, been reading reviews how Maybelline Dream Velvet that’s pretty much comparable and some say it’s better than the Nars Velvet Matte Tint. So yup it was on sale for the half price so I grabbed that and the sensational Mascara just because.

Unfortunately i broke out after a few days! And the Mascara is just so hard to take it off! So disappointed and money be gone! If anyone wants them, please let me know…

Yay! Finally finished my Nars tint! And thank you Hanna for helping me replace it with a new tube! I’ve tried a few drugstore tint like the Maybelline Dream Velvet and nothing come close, not even my all time favourite Garnier BB cream.

Till my next progress!

And Allah is the best of planners

Her Facebook post got me to tears, I’ve never been in her shoes but I am sure I will be a wreckage. I was literally sobbing hard while trying to put Ayden to sleep. Yet another night of meltdown, another round of fight. The battles we are facing with this lil one. His bedtime, that I will leave it to another story another day. But her post made me realise…

Every phase of our lives has been planned out, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful events were laid right in front of our eyes. Despite the challenges, we will always hold on to a thread called Hope. Hope that things will get better, Hope that our lives will improve, Hope that we will receive what we have been praying for, Hope that we will be protected from tragedies. But sometimes that thread of Hope is there to make or break you.

Make you to give you the strength to overcome the barriers, the ability to trust him that his plans are better than your dreams and the capacity to see the positive outcome of the situation. On the other hand, Hopes can break you into blinding your mind that you are in a much worst situation than what you are in, weakens your soul and crumble your faith. That part is the worst crater to fall into. I call it a crater because in the long haul; like the Volcano; you are unstable, emotional and you will accumulate all these anger awaiting to erupt. Insecurities began to sink in and in due course, you will start to become a pessimist. Been there and done that.

People always say look at the bright side of life. Always be grateful. Always look at the Positives. Once you blabber about your fate or be sad, people start to attack you, provoke you saying; you are not grateful enough. You don’t trust God enough. You don’t count your blessings enough. Enough said, all they are saying is “YOU ARE UNGRATEFUL!” Really Sad. Was talking to a friend the other night about Positivity, On some days its just hard to lift your head and smile to the world. In all honesty, I personally think it is okay to cry sometimes. It’s ok to have those cloudy days. Although you and I know some days you need to create your own sunshine but if you don’t, I think it’s perfectly ok.

I learnt during my transition to Motherhood how important it was to Tawakkal and Redha. We are in God’s eyes. He is the one that starts and ends our struggles. For you know, that best things are coming. It may not be now but it will be sooner than you think. Bigger than you think and the best it will ever be.

Indeed, the only way I breathe knowing that verily, with hardship come ease–and like all things of this world–this too shall pass. Love this excerpt from Yasmin Mogahed.


This is for the people that matters ❤️

Finally sitting here and enjoying my view of Ayden napping. Sometimes it’s just so hard to take a breather when you have a child that needs constant attention due to his phase of separation anxiety these days, it gets… wait for it…

Yes and someone is up!

(2 hours later..) 🕦

Here I am continuing this entry. In between the time Ayden woke up, he had his playtime yet still fussy, we ended up in a meltdown to get him to bed early. In the end, we both slept! This is our never ending dramas together EVERYDAY. Ayden and I! Tonight Mum 1 Ayden 0. Lucky night.

So dear friends, I’ve developed mind-texting-reply syndrome since the beginning of motherhood now. You know when I received a text and in my mind I replied your text but in reality I did not. And on occasions when I browse my messages and realised that “GOSH I DIDNT REPLY HIS/HER TEXT AND ITS BEEN TWO WEEKS!” Sorry Filzah 😫 the list goes on..  This has been happening a lot lately and I deeply apologise 😔 it was never intentional! It’s not like I have a lot on my mind, only God knows why?

Impromptu plans are always the best! Back in the day prior to February 2016, We used to call/text each other up and meet up in the next hour or later in the day for whatevs. I sincerely DO miss them days. Now it seems like impromptu plans needs to take place the week before. When I received texts like these ; “Hey lets meet up for dinner in the city tonight!” We have all these different scenarios unfolding in our heads, ‘Is there enough time to come home from work; get Ayden ready and pack his stuff? What’s the weather going to be like? How do we have to dress Ayden? Naptime issues? Things to pack? Carrier VS Pram? How’s parking like at the venue? Is it far for us to walk hence need the pram? On most occasions, we managed it pretty well. But on some days, we struggle to get out of the door just because. So my friends, if there are days that we couldn’t make it to your invite, please accept our apologies.

Sometimes I get carried away talking about motherhood, diaper change struggles and whatnots. I just can’t help it. Deep down please do know that I still get excited talking about Justin Bieber concert that’s happening next year, still go crazy over Zac Efron and Channing Tatum and wish that I am Chrissy Teigen on some days! So these will soon pass, please don’t hesitate to ask me out or include me in your convos and invites, I still crave for my girly time. Big time!

Motherhood may have taken over my life like a storm but do know I am still the same person as I am before. I will still be there for you the best I can, be it a listener or a friend to talk to. Things maybe a tad different that I tend to tow Ayden everywhere with me now but I will still try to meet you as much as I can. I deserve a lil bit of sanity too!

So for whatever shortcomings I have thus far, please forgive me!


Love is…

The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.